“Walking on eggshells” is a term we often associate with physically abusive relationships.

It’s the idea that you end up feeling like you have to “walk on eggshells” so you don’t *upset* the abuser – in this way, you’re trying to keep yourself safe.

Walking on eggshells happens when you:

(1) Don’t believe you can (or should or even want to) leave.
(2) Normalize abusive behaviors (“everyone has relationship problems”)
(3) Don’t think you deserve better treatment

But there’s two fundamental concerns with this type of thinking:

(1) You’re taking responsibility for someone else’s behaviors.
(2) You begin to believe *you* are part of the problem.

You start to think things like:

If I could just figure out what he wants, he wouldn’t treat me this way.
If I could help her heal from her traumatic past, I’m sure she would love me the right way.
No one is perfect, so I just need to keep trying and things will get better.
Maybe I’m the problem – I mean, he treats everyone else so well.
I’m sure with the right therapy, religion, understanding, love, etc. and she will change.

But YOU cannot and do not CAUSE other people to abuse you.

You are not the cause of the abuse – therefore, you cannot be the solution either.

In any relationship, there is NO reason to ever feel like you have to walk on eggshells.

So if you DO have this feeling – chances are, you’re already being abused (mentally, emotionally, psychologically).

Think about it this way:

Think of a person you feel absolutely safe with. Someone who respects you and loves you unconditionally.

Or if you can’t think of someone personally, think of examples you’ve seen of respectful relationships.

In these relationships, would you ever feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them?

Or do you feel safe, speak openly, and receive support?

Healthy relationships make you feel safe.

Unhealthy relationships make you feel uneasy, unsure, insecure, and on edge. 

Know the signs – know your worth – know the truth.

If you’re looking to heal from narcissistic abuse or relationship trauma, I can help! I specialize in helping people heal from toxic, dysfunctional, or harmful relationships. I recommend starting here and getting my free bimonthly newsletter. Or contact me today about working together via therapy or coaching.