Have you ever had a relationship and thought, “Wow, this person fits all the behaviors of a narcissist…they’re selfish, entitled, manipulative…but they don’t look like a typical grandiose narcissist. Could they still be a narcissist?”

If so, you likely ran into a different narcissistic “type.”

While all narcissists have an insecure ego and entitled mindset, each type has a different “look and feel” to the point at which you could miss someone as being a narcissist becacuse they don’t look like what you expect!

That’s why it’s so important that you’re familiar with the different types. The six types of narcissists (that have been currently studied the most in the literature) include:

• Grandiose
• Vulnerable
• Neglectful
• Self-Righteous
• Communal
• Malignant

Let’s break each of these down!

Grandiose Narcissists

Grandiose narcissists are what most people think of when they hear the term narcissist. They come across as arrogant, entitled, and superior. They tend to have lots of friends (or at least acquaintances) and seem to be successful, put together, and productive since this is the image they want to portray to the world.

They tend to be:

• Charming
• Charismatic
• Extroverted
• Successful (or project a successful appearance)

Examples of Grandiose Narcissists:

• The “know it all” co-worker who steals everyone’s ideas and tries to look like the go-to guy, even though he does more talking than working.
• The incredibly charming boss who throws the most lavish holiday parties, where he expects to be praised and admired; however, during the rest of the year, he doesn’t have time to be bothered with your requests.
• Your partner who needs to be the center of attention and seems to have minimal interest in things that aren’t about him/her.

How You Feel Around a Grandiose Narcissist:

• You might feel captivated by them, enamored with their charm, or attracted to (in a romantic or platonic way) their confidence
• You initially feel important, seen, understood, admired, and desired.
• If you’re a sensitive person who prefers quieter or less showy personalities, you might feel like they’re too much or be completely turned off by their larger-than-life presentation.

Vulnerable Narcissists

Vulnerable narcissists are often called victimized or covert narcissists because their narcissistic qualities are much more subtle.

They tend to be:

• Introverted
• Withdrawn
• Sullen/Depressed
• Socially Anxious
• Overly Kind or Meek

Examples of Vulnerable Narcissists:

• Your withdrawn family member who consistently criticizes everyone and everything around them.
• Your friend from childhood who always calls in a panic when she needs your help even though she isn’t available when you need something.
• Your co-worker who seems nice, despite having a glum demeanor. She’s always having a “terrible” day, and no amount of understanding or empathymakes her feel any better.

How You Feel Around a Vulnerable Narcissist:

• The main emotions you feel when dealing with a vulnerable narcissist are guiltand pity.
• If you’re a helper, you’ll feel drawn in by the vulnerable narcissist’s stories of unfair treatment and sad, painful past.
• You feel stuck, overwhelmed, and engulfed in their never-ending list of problems.

Self-Righteous Narcissists

Self-righteous narcissists come across as “better than” as if they have the moral or ethical high ground. Self-righteous narcissists really get their narcissistic supply from being overly rigid, structured, and morally superior, as they get praise from other people for being so “put together,” “responsible,” or “organized.”

They tend to be:

• Rigid
• Demanding
• Controlling
• Hyper-moralistic

Examples of Self-Righteous Narcissists:

• The extremely religious church member who’s always looking down on those he/she considers morally reprehensible.
• The husband who insists he’s a good guy because he would never cheatlike other men, although he treats his spouse with contempt every day.
• The mother who yells at her children for the smallest things, like having a toy on the floor, and criticizes her five-year-old for being “messy” and “lazy.”

How You Feel Around a Self-Righteous Narcissist:

• You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, as you’re constantly being judged, criticized, and looked upon with disgust or contempt.
• You feel like a scolded child who’s being reprimanded for minor or trivial things.
• You feel confused, ashamed, and on edge, as if you’re living in a glass box that could break at any moment.

Neglectful Narcissists

Neglectful narcissists have the most understated idealize/love bomb phase. They appear void, hollow, and detached. Although they have all the core narcissistic traits, like entitlement, superficiality, and minimal empathy, these traits aren’t as evident as with the other types. For example, while grandiose narcissists feel entitled to demand their way, neglectful narcissists feel entitled to ignore you.

They tend to be:

• Hollow
• Detached
• Cold/Callous
• Checked Out

Examples of Neglectful Narcissists:

• The co-parent who isn’t interested at all in spending time with the kids, except when it’s convenient or interesting to him/her.
• The father who values his job over everything else and is only interested in his kids’ activities when it’s something he can brag about to his colleagues.
• The spouse who acts as if you’re invisible but says you should be grateful because they don’t hit you, so you can’t call them abusive.

How You Feel Around a Neglectful Narcissist:

• You feel like you’re emotionally suffocating.
• You feel overlooked, ignored, disregarded, and dismissed.
• You might feel extremely anxiousand panicky at times, especially when you’re being ignored or given the silent treatment.

Communal Narcissists

Communal narcissists are humanitarians, philanthropists, and do-gooders. They can be really hard to spot and essentially impossible to spot if you only see them from the outside, because they’re very involved in charitable work, nonprofit organizations, and volunteer opportunities. 

They tend to be:

• Very involved with a specific group or cause
• Like a “saint” to the outside world
• Extremely two-faced

Examples of Communal Narcissists:

• The philanthropist who crafts his social media page to look like an advertisement for a non-profit organization.
• The mother who volunteers for every school event, fundraiser, community need, and bake sale but at home is critical, demeaning, and cold to her children and spouse.
• The church leader who volunteers his time teaching classes, staying late, and helping the sick but at home is insensitive, critical, rude, and doesn’t follow the practices of his religion except in public spaces.

How You Feel Around a Communal Narcissist:

• Because you initially believe communal narcissistsare nice, caring, and service-oriented, you often feel lucky or honored to be with them.
• You feel extremely disoriented with their vastly different personas at home vs. in the community.
• You blame yourself for their two-faced behaviors, rationalizing that since they’re so caring to other people, there must be something wrong with “you.”

Malignant Narcissists

Malignant narcissists are the pinnacle of the dark triad, where narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism converge.

They tend to be:

• Exploitative
• Calculating
• Sadistic

Examples of Malignant Narcissists:

• Your ex-spousewho fights for custody of the kids not because he wants the kids but because doing so will hurt
• The highly respected CEO who’s secretly embezzling millions of dollars to fill his pockets, even though it’s going to destroy the company and hundreds of people will lose their jobs.
• The serial cheaterwho has sex with her affair partners in your own home and threatens to destroy your reputation if you ever divorce her or tell anyone about her affairs.

How You Feel Around a Malignant Narcissist:

• Initially, you feel swept away by their charm and swagger.
• Over time, you feel increasingly concerned not only about their manipulations, deceit, and control but also about their patternsof suspiciousness and paranoia.
• You feel scared, hypervigilant, unsettled, and threatened, not sure how far they’ll go or what they’ll do if you don’t meet their expectations or fall out of line.

So, now that you’ve read about six types of narcissists, which one(s) do you think you’ve encountered? Let me know in the comments below!

*This article includes some excerpts from my bestselling book If Only I’d Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth