If narcissists don’t really want to commit…
Then why do they get married?
It’s a legitimate (yet misguided) question.
Because when narcissists decide to get married, their behavior doesn’t change.
They will still gaslight, minimize, belittle, and demean you.
They will still flirt with other people, hide their phone, or be unfaithful.
Even if we think (or hope) that getting married will make them “grow up” or “learn to commit”…
It doesn’t.
In fact – narcissistic relationships often get worse after marriage.
Because then… they “have” you.
You become a sure thing – a captive audience of one for their narcissistic supply.
They no longer have to work for anything, since all the niceties of a relationship are assumed in a marriage.
And if you don’t meet their unrealistic expectations – they can guilt trip you into feeling like a “bad spouse” or “inattentive husband” or “nagging wife”.
So even though they don’t treat you any better…
They might still want to get married because it:
Meets cultural expectations
Looks good to the church
Makes them appear like a committed person
Portrays the right “image” to society
Has financial or work-related benefits
So if you’re thinking marriage is the answer to your relationship problems – STOP!
Marriage only expands what’s already there. And with a narcissist… things will only get worse.
If you’re looking to heal from narcissistic abuse or relationship trauma, I can help! I specialize in helping people heal from toxic, dysfunctional, or harmful relationships. I recommend starting here and getting my free bimonthly newsletter. Or contact me today about working together via therapy or coaching.
Chelsey Brooke Cole is a psychotherapist, best-selling author, speaker, and coach specializing in narcissistic abuse and relational trauma. Praised as "Enlightening and Empowering" Chelsey's new book, If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth is available wherever books are sold.
